Note of gratitude.
Addressed to pain and loneliness somewhere in my brain.
It is very different and difficult to redirect the river of pain in one’s mind to the tip of the pen and water the barren paper. It sometimes costs seeds of tears. I’m just trying to do the same.
Pain and loneliness if go together, my mind responds with bubbles of decisions. I actually think of an ice-berg decision that hardly finds time to melt. But bubbles are the ones who surface. And these bubbles sing lullaby and might have disappeared in the next morning. Clear and calm, ready for another game.
Loneliness is when others eat the fruit that you too deserve. Loneliness is when you choose the other way when others choose the way.
Pain may be of many reasons. Pain of losing love is the worst(best) among these. Some pains nurture loneliness in the mental incubator.
I just had such an experience. I expected, prayed and prayed that I too could get a share of the fruit. Vain!!
Pain in the mind is like thorns with motors attached to its back. They themselves harm. When loneliness comes in, it’s like a periodic hammering system that hammers down the pain. It aches a lot. We search for shoulders to support. The search never ends.
[Sub note: - Above paragraph had been written in an engineer’s perspective, let me at least do this.]
Writing at this moment is one of the best things one can really do. Even the pen seems to spill more ink as tears.
This is very much exactly the time domains in which I feel like, I must have a spouse. I want to immerse my face n her fragrant lap and weep loud, like a baby. I want her to kiss me long to ooze out my pain and caress my head and sing me, “everything is gonna be alright”.
Sometimes you may feel like asking me, if I don’t get my parents’ love. Yes I do get it. But for me, the concept goes this way. If you need to completely get out of this mental trauma, you need a loving spouse. You always need her kisses. They’ve to intoxicate you.
I want to forget the pain. Why should I not be allowed to taste the fruit?
This kind of situation is intoxicating. We may sometimes feel the best of being in such a situation and then the inertial forces may anchor us therein, always pain-struck. “Do bother to come out of the world of pain and loneliness”, onlookers (friends in history) might say. It is because they do not know the ecstatic aroma they offer in the heaven of pain. They do not know the music of loneliness the maestro.
Loneliness goes away when others start sharing the fruit with me. Till then, oh! Loneliness you are my beloved. Pain goes away soon. It just visits me often and disappears in history.
But they always gave me company when others enjoyed the fruit. My grateful self is obliged. They always help me go for a decision. They trigger my passion factor. They always compose the best of music in my heart, sets its rhythm. They always ask me to do something to outdo everything so that I can be second to none once again.
Without them, I can’t even imagine myself listening to songs like, “Thanhayee.....” and “Loneliness.....(westlife)”
So I’m so much thankful.